Are you stuck in your story?
And How to Get Unstuck!
We all have stories that we tell ourselves. We usually call it our history or our childhood but in truth, it is how we make sense of the world. All of our stories are flawed in some way, because the stories that we develop as children can’t take into account all the possible factors involved. As children, we don’t yet understand why people act, think, feel, and believe a certain way (which also involves their story, but let’s not go down that rabbit hole). And as children we don’t yet understand where our power and control lies. So when our parents get divorced, we may think that we are to blame. Or when we fail a test at school, we may decide that we aren’t smart and shouldn’t even try to learn new things. If our family had financial problems, we may decide that we are just destined to be broke. This is why family history often repeats itself. Families tend to repeat the same patterns over and over because they believe the same stories about themselves and each other.
So, what does this have to do with your business? Stories are powerful because we usually aren’t consciously aware of them but they have a huge impact on our decisions. And our decisions and our understanding of who we are, is what runs our business. Do you believe that you are a creative who can’t balance a check book or understand a spreadsheet? I bet that is reflected in your business. Do you have a money set point based on your history and believe that you can’t earn or charge more than a certain amount? I bet that affects your business. Do you believe that the world is against you and no matter how hard you work, you will never be successful? I bet your business proves that story.
How to Get Unstuck
To get unstuck you must change your perspective and revise your story. The first step and the most crucial one, is that you must first accept that your history is influenced by your perception and your understanding of what happened. You can’t change the facts, but you can change how you interpret them. Here’s how:
Identify the Belief: What is it that has been keeping you from getting or accomplishing what you want. For example: A self-limiting belief about how much money you are able to make or charge for your business.
Recognize the Old Story: Identify where the belief came from: What was the event that happened? What was the meaning or explanation that you gave it? And what was the emotion attached to it? Hint: the emotion is important because that is what anchors it in our sub-conscious. For example: I grew up in a single parent home where money was very tight. There was a victim mentality that the world was treating us unfairly but there was not much that could be done about it. The emotion was worry and helplessness.
Write a New Story: Give a different and meaningful explanation to the event. For example: I grew up in a single parent home where money was very tight. My mother had very few marketable skills and was divorced very young. However, she managed to keep us safe and cared for. She constantly took courses to improve herself and eventually was able to get a job to that supplemented the small child support payments. She modeled a strong work ethic and and a can-do spirit at a time when women had much fewer resources than today. I learned to rely on myself and my ability to work and support myself. I felt empowered and confident.
Live a New Identity: You may be thinking… Aren’t I just lying to myself? The short answer is, no. Our original story often becomes such an integral part of ourselves that the person hardest to convince that it could be assigned a different meaning and emotion, is ourselves. By re-writing the story, not the facts but the meaning and the emotion, we are changing our perception and opening ourselves up to new possibilities, not only for the present but also for our future. So the question becomes, “How would a person who experienced that revised story show up in life, in my business, in this situation?” Then act as if you are that person… because in truth, you are.
Isn’t this hard work?
Yes. But like most hard work it is worth it. When you re-write your story, you aren’t just changing your past, you are influencing your present and your future for the better. You are stepping into your own power and taking charge. You don’t have to be stuck in an old story.
For a great resource on the Enneagram and how our old stories influence us, I recommend, The Road Back to You: An Enneagram Journey to Self Discovery and The Story of You: An Enneagram Journey to Becoming Your True Self both by Ian Cron.
